Noted sex columnist, author and all around potty mouth Lora Somoza is jumping into the sack with you for a little afternoon delight. Each week Lora explores the trends, trysts and troubles under America’s covers. She invites a wide range of guests to discuss tantalizing topics that would make your mother blush. From fetishes to fellatio, libido levels to lingerie and every topic in between. Its uncensored, unedited, and underwear optional... Don’t take a shower just yet. It’s going to get dirty.


Dear Lora,

I have a question and am looking for an answer….when my
girlfriend and myself are fooling around whether it be oral or
vaginal sex, I cannot finish. It could be hours and I do not
finish. I’ve coached her while she’s giving me oral and told
her what feels good but I still dont finish.

I was just wondering if this was common and if there is anything
I can do about it.


>>>>>>>>>>>>  MY COMMENTS

Dear T.M.,

Thanks for writing in with this question. I have had
several men and women ask me why they can’t climax.
So, please know that you’re not the only guy that has
this scenario going on. This is way more
common than you may think.  And although most guys may
THINK they’d want to last “forever,” you know how horribly frustrating
it gets.

I have some questions for you, though…

Can you climax in a reasonable amount of time while masturbating?

Has this been an issue with other women as well or just this
current girlfriend?

You could be dealing with is called delayed
ejaculation or ANORGASMIA (which literally means no orgasm
at all, but the two are sometimes used interchangeably).

So, what the hell causes it? There are a number of things
that could be at play. See if anything sounds familiar:

First, medically:

Doctors have known since the 1980’s that anorgasmia can be
a side effect of certain antidepressants. Seems the drugs
can clog up the serotonin cycle in the brain, which also
happens to play a big role in climax. Anti-hypertensive and
antipsychotic drugs, and alcohol, can also have this effect.
So, if you are on any of these type of drugs, you may want to
talk with your doctor.

Other physical issues that can effect your ability to climax
include spinal cord injury, nerve lesions, colorectal surgery,
multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s, bacterial prostate infection,
and diabetes.


So get thee to a urologist to see what’s up and STAYING UP for
to long.

Now, if you’ve talked to the doctor  and you’re
still riding high? It could be about your OTHER head.

Just like I talk about how a woman’s main G-spot
is in their mind, a man’s ability to to “perform”
and be pleasured is just as affected by his brain.

(To read more about your mental G-spot and how to
get more orgasmic MENTALLY, click here: )

You could be so focused on the outcome & the GOAL of
climaxing that your mind is putting too much pressure on the results.
It can be actually creating a mental block rather than a path to

Try to start just having sex with the only goal is to feel pleasure
and not be as focused on “I must come!” It will slowly take off some
pressure mentally. Also, I’m wondering if you two have practiced
masturbating together. You may be able to get mentally comfortable
climaxing with her next to you that way, then showing her how you
like to be stroked. Baby steps.

Lastly: remember that psychological issues are often the
barriers to good sex.

“Pre-existent psychological traumas,” like, say, a nasty
divorce, can create anorgasmia, according to guidelines on
male infertility that were issued last year by the European
Association of Urology. So could your education (spend any time
in a religious boarding school?). Or your parents’ attitudes
about sex. Or any of a dozen other psychological
barriers like performance anxiety with a new lover. Or if you
have an underlying trust issue with your girlfriend.  Any of these things
could be working against you.

So, what to do?

Therapies for anorgasmia range from psychological counseling, to sex
therapy, to drugs.

Sex Therapist??? What the Ferk!?!

I know, I know.

A sex therapist may sound scary, but they’re not. They’re Fantastic

They’re the guardian angels that specialize in a very important, intimate
part of our lives.

For a qualified therapist, go to American Association
of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists:

You’ll probably get some homework like sexual
activities and communication training. The success
rate for couples that undergo sexual therapy for
this issue have a success rate of 65-85%, which is

Good luck!

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